Mommy-Of-Three

22 years ago, I was a young lady, 26 years old, gathered with my family and friends, asking God's blessing as I married Jason. 22 years later, we've born and raised 3 kids, suffered a miscarriage, celebrated graduations, weddings, and births for many friends and family members, and have grieved the loss of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, and a parent.   I knew 22 years ago he was a dream come true.  22 years later, I can truly say he has lived up to every imagined billing I gave him all those years ago. While this illness has proven many things to me, Jason's devotion and love for me and for our family has never been more clear.  Our vows included "In sickness and in health..."  He has personified every word of that to me in these past 6 weeks.   Jason has been to every doctor's appointment, every treatment.  He's been my shoulder to cry on, my strength when I needed someone to lift and hold me up.  He's been the steps to guide...

My sister shares songs with me on treatment days that are inspirational and meaningful and usually quite moving.  She knows how to get inside my heart and head and help me feel ready for treatment. I thought maybe I would share some of this good music with you on weekends, just so you can be inspired too.  These are songs that go on my playlist and provide feel good music on days when I need picked up.  They are great for people in many situations, not just mine, so you're welcome to add them to your personal playlist too! So I'm starting with "Strong" by Anne Wilson for my first Weekend Walk-up Song.  I'm calling it a Weekend Walk-Up Song because I'm thinking of it like the music that plays for a baseball player as he walks up to the plate that gets the crowd excited, and in turn gets him pumped up for his at-bat and hopefully gets him ready to hit a home run.  Well, likewise....I'm putting it on the playlist this weekend before my treatment, and hoping i...

Just breathe. Maybe the best advice I've received since this journey started.  I now have a sweet silver ring from my aunt and uncle with this simple phrase on it to remind me daily how much of a difference this can make. These two words have gotten me through several procedures when I couldn't relax, couldn't lie still, couldn't find pain relief; when I felt scared, alone, overwhelmed, lost. When I'm too tired to even hold a conversation, but can't sleep for longer than an hour at a time...just breathe. When sitting up hurts just as much as lying down, and walking seems like an impossible feat...just breathe. When I'm worried about what's to come- the next treatment, the next scans...just breathe. When the side effects of my medications or treatments seem too much...just breathe. When I'm overwhelmed with my health, under powered with energy, and upside-down with emotions...just breathe. Just stop and take some deep cleansing breaths.  Close my eyes...

It was radiation simulation day today.   Radiation "practice", if you will. Today, I met the radiation oncologist at Cleveland Clinic Mercy as well as the staff, and learned how hard it would be to lay on the radiation table. Today, I learned that my bone scan showed areas that were "very bright" meaning tumors that are very active in my spine and my hips, indicating that they will likely respond well to radiation. Today, I cried from laying flat on a cold hard table. Again.  This was CT #5? Today, I got 4 "tattoos" that I didn't want- one on each hip, one below my belly button, and one below my sternum. These will help line me up exactly for radiation.  First radiation appointment is Tuesday afternoon. Today, my pain was better than yesterday. Today, I unloaded and reloaded my dishwasher. Today, I ate macaroni and cheese. And later, half a cheesesteak sandwich. Today, I drank 2 full water bottles. Today, I got 4 cards in the mail from friends I haven...

Treatment #2 was un-dramatic.  After a month of ALLLLL the drama, we love un-dramatic!  The IV went in easily (albeit in the back of my hand, which is quite sensitive).  Surprisingly, I was able to nap during the infusion.  The only side effects I have had is a slight rash on my upper chest, and some itching all over, both treatable with some topical hydrocortisone. Wednesdays after treatment seem to be the toughest.  I'm tired, I'm sore, I'm cranky, I usually have no appetite, and everything hurts.  That's today.  I'm not gonna sugar coat it... today has been rough.  The back pain has been triggered all day and a little misunderstanding after some med changes by palliative care had me managing the pain with the wrong meds. Thankfully a quick call to Dr. Donaghan's nurse and everything is cleared up and the back pain feels a little better now. When I was in the depths of pain hell earlier today, I asked "Why me?"   Why me to go through t...

I took a couple of days off from blogging.  I've been bouncing between two very different extremes here- extremely tired or extremely busy. Extremely tired and completely snoozed on the couch or in bed.  In fact, you would have found me in bed at 6:30pm on Wednesday night.  That's early, even for a girl who loves her horizontal time.  Simply didn't feel like moving.  I was a completely empty tank, refuel light flashing for the past 50 miles, and not a gas station in sight.  Bathroom break? Overwhelmiing. Sitting up to sip some water? Oh heck no. Brush my hair? Nah. How about some lotion? Hard pass.  I had little appetite, was eating mostly popsicles (Thank you Costco for my melon, mango, and coconut popsicles!!), and had little interest in doing anything other than napping. To the opposite extreme- extremely busy.  The past two days have been a whirlwind of activity that I have been more than excited to be a part of!  Before my diagnosis, I s...

First of all, thank you everyone for your thoughts, prayers, kind words, encouragement, messages, cards, and just general niceties yesterday.  I had so much nerves and anxiety starting treatment, and to know how many people were thinking of little ole' me and supporting me from near and far certainly made me feel loved and lifted up. The side effects have been minimal from my first treatment.  Today I've been overall a little more achy and tired, and have a little headache.  We had to be at Mercy early this AM for my contrast injection and then return later for a bone scan, so my morning started early, involved a nap, and then a lazy afternoon.  Not a lot of "giddy-up" in me today, and much of my day has been spent on my couch and in my bed with my heating pad. I"m not writing much today.  Much like my body, my mind is tired and ready for bed.  I believe Kennedy is bringing me an orange creamsicle milkshake as a bedtime snack, so it's a shower and self-care...